He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize