omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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