The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
