As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
