There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
