You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize