I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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