it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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