I can text with my tongue
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
