Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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