mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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