In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
