life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
