why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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