Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
