Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
