did you get engaged???
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
