well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
