dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
