U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
