so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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