He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
