Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
