...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
