I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
