So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
why is half of my head shaved?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
