Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
