he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
