K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
