Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
