the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
