i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
