Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
