Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
