He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
