i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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