I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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