every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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