Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
