You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
