I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
