I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
