I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
