dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please come you make the beer taste better
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
