I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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