hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
