did you get engaged???
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
