You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize