yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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