I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You took a bar mat shot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
