Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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