I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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