I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
