problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
