woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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