It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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