ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
