I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
