You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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