my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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