Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
